


Need A Little Break

by Anxiouslykitty



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:01:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28021329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anxiouslykitty/pseuds/Anxiouslykitty
Summary: How did Sister Julienne really handle Shelagh leaving the order?
Relationships: Bernadette | Shelagh Turner & Julienne
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Need A Little Break

The weight of the last few days pulled Sister Julienne’s body down as she climbed the stairs to her bedroom. She had been trying to stay strong as always for the other sisters and for the young midwives. It had been more a struggle these past few days than any other day she could remember. As she closed the door to her bedroom behind her the weight overwhelmed her. She fell to her knees and clasped her hands in prayer. She could feel the tears falling down her face and she struggled to measure her breathing.

Julienne leaned forward resting her head in her hands against the floor. The coolness of the floor seeped through her habit and chilled her. The shutter that went through her body caused her body to tense and she sobbed as quietly as she could muster. When she couldn’t keep the sound of the sobs escaping her under control she sat up and used fabric from her habit to cover her mouth. She felt so much pain she thought it would never dissipate. 

The fear that they had all been living in while waiting for news on Chummy had taken its toll on Julienne. She cared for all of the young midwives. She hated to see any of them in pain or distress. This had felt intensely different than any of the other times. Chummy had almost died doing something that they assisted women in doing everyday. She had barely survived childbirth thanks to modern medicine and access to the hospital. It had been difficult to stay strong when even Sister Evangelina wavered. 

What was truly weighing on her heart was something that should not even be considered a sad event. Sister Bernadette had left the order and renounced her vows. Sister Bernadette...Shelagh had been called to serve the lord in a different way. She was going to be beginning a relationship with Dr. Turner that had been budding for quite some time unbeknownst to her. None of this was inherently a bad thing. If God had called Shelagh to serve him in another way and she had found love then Julienne knew she should be happy for her. However, happiness was the farthest thing from her heart at the moment.

Although she knew it was against the calling to form special bonds she knew deep down that she had. She had a very special bond with Sister Bernadette. They had been closer than she had been with any other person during her sisterhood or before she took her vows. Now though she feared that Shelagh would not feel the same way towards her that Sister Bernadette had. She had felt like a daughter to Julienne and her heart was broken. She had wanted so badly to break down when Shelagh had hugged her in her office. She had wanted to hold her and never let her go, but instead she had pushed her away and sent her out into the world.

Julienne ripped off her wimple and the cap that covered her hair throwing them on the floor in front of her. She stood and stripped away her habit until all she was wearing was the thin cotton dress she wore underneath. She dropped the habit on the floor near her wimple. She yanked back the covers of her bed and climbed in. Pulling the covers up to her face she sobbed loudly before turning her head into her pillow to muffle it.

There was a light knock on the door before it opened slowly. Julienne turned on her side away from the door and tightened the covers over her mouth. There were only three people who would come into her room without an invitation. One of them was no longer here which left only two. She didn’t want to turn and let whoever it was know that she was crying. 

“Sister” Sister Evangelina whispered.

Julienne didn’t want to look weak in front of Sister Evangelina. She felt great pride in her role as head of Nonnatus House. This meant that she was supposed to hold herself to a higher standard than the others. That she was supposed to be able to bear the weight of the things they saw and experienced during the pursuit of their mission. She could hear Sister Evangelina picking up her habit off the ground. She assumed she was folding it and taking the care she herself should have when removing it.

“These past days have been trying,” Sister Evangelina began. “I can imagine that you are quite tired.”

Sister Evangelina sat down on the edge of her bed and placed a gentle hand on Julienne’s arm. 

“Sister, there is nothing to be ashamed of about needing to let yourself break down sometimes” Sister Evangelina explained.

Julienne reached up and grabbed Sister Evangelina’s hand. She gripped it as tight as she dared. The sobs had stopped, but the tears still streamed down her face.

“Oh sister,” Sister Evangelina cooed.

Sister Evangelina shifted on the bed to place her other hand on Julienne as well. 

“Let us pray,” Sister Evangelina instructed.

Julienne let the peace and comfort of Sister Evangelina’s prayers. Although the tears didn’t slow, a peace began to settle over her. Her heart was still broken, but she knew that with the help of her other sisters and the Lord she would survive this latest pain. She kept her grasp on Sister Evangelina’s hand and allowed it to ground her.


End file.
